This Christmas literally changed my perspective personally and in business.
This Christmas year compares to none. Don’t get me wrong. Growing up I received everything on my lists. However, as you get older, life isn’t the same. Your list changes. You meet new people by the time Christmas comes around again. Sometimes there are new relationships, engagements, and different “mistletoe experiences.”
Christmas is a holiday for many, where fears and depression settles. You can find yourself moving along perfectly in-between specialty days. Then, just like that, certain encounters bring painful reminders. These reminders surely cause setbacks and trigger fears. And, interestingly, these experiences usually occur around Christmas time.
Fears will attract the wrong people towards you. It will also hold you back from life’s beautiful purpose. Fear isn’t healthy at all. Due to encounters with toxic people, anxieties can be piercing and trigger at the wrong times. Especially in business, which is not good at all, many anxieties are triggered because of the depths of love we have with our partners.
One thing’s for certain, the Sophia of Life has the power to transform your mind and way of seeing things. I once learned how life wants to breathe and flow through us. Our negative encounters and painful experiences actually suffocate the good life has to give. When you think about it, life isn’t bad. It contains a wisdom beyond comprehension to lure us into good. But only if you allow and give it permission will you come into this knowledge. In this case, you
In actuality, you become what you think.
For a space of 30 years, I must admit I didn’t know how to see the positives around me. I felt lost because I didn’t know how to fully heal from past wounds. It’s very easy to focus on wrong things. When this happens, your brain becomes wired with fears and what-ifs thoughts are overbearing. Next, you begin to process these realities, which produce fear-driven reactions. As a result, we are products of our thoughts.
During these years, I didn’t have the right images of marriage. Besides watching a love story with my parents, other primary influences were products of divorce. Most of them had no intentions to remarry. So, I didn’t want to marry because of a painted picture in my mind that marriage doesn’t work.
Amidst many conversations, I learned about the horrific side of a union. I witnessed domestic abuse, emotional abuse, and mental abuse. I underwent spiritual abuse from various church leaders. Yep. I was informed if I didn’t marry, my call to life wouldn’t be effective.
These leaders said I needed a husband in order to make it. Such statements carry wrong projections, which are known as their fears. And, if you’re anything like me, you listen to “authority” and “follow their lead” because it’s our training and the right thing to do.
So, I operated two businesses and one non-profit with fears. Fears that spoke and said, “if you don’t marry, or marry the wrong man you will not be living out your purpose. I lived for years fearing marriage. However, I now believe these anxieties played a role in protecting and preparing me for my husband today.
In my woke reality, this used to happen every Christmas and winter. Life began to take a turn during these seasons. Here’s what I mean. I noticed a surface-like pattern of my relationships reaching heart-devastating turning points. Conversely, looking deeper, I now recognize that I attracted men who had subtle controlling and manipulative ways.
These men had serious situations from substance abuse addictions to mental disorders. Our relationships took on severe turning points during Christmas and the winter months. And, much like the dream, I stopped. We terminated things. The movement of life continued, but fear paralyzed me from moving forward.
In my mind, I couldn’t see the other seasons. Fear prevented me from understanding the cycles of ecstasy, conflict and resolve; their balances in life and necessity for human growth. Similarly, I see these cycles as seasons.
This Christmas Changed My Life Through:
Firstly, my parents spent this Christmas with hubby and I in our home. We usually go to their home in Jersey. Secondly, shifting the location really relieved my fears because the negative events all occurred in my hometown. Each relationship prior to my marriage finds its roots in Jersey. Psychologists suggest a change in location to aid in healing the mind. And, it replaces the bad images in your brain with new, good experiences.
Upon moving to Texas, I had no choice but to face myself, my fears and pains. Why? Well, because I became isolated and moved away from family, close friends, etc. I even released specific people from my life to heal properly.
This Christmas I realized how separation from those inflicting and causing the conflict was necessary in order to get to ecstasy and a resolve.
Ecstasy is the highest point in life’s cycle. It’s full of laughters, joys and essentially a heightened reality of happiness. You don’t pretend to be overjoyed. Hence, it bubbles up and spills into your relationships. People will feel your excitement. They look forward to being around you. Your presence brings a sweet fragrance of peace and an abundance of love. Your family and friends will know you’re being genuine. You will feel like a new authentic self. Ecstasy keeps your reality-centered and focused on the self-actualization process.
By Facing This Conflict
Hubby suggested to have both families over for a Christmas dinner, laughter and entertainment. While I appreciated this thought and agreed, boy, I couldn’t shake the fears. Two weeks prior to this, he and I had a long conversation about my triggers for this time of year. Part of dealing with conflict albeit inner or outer, you must first recognize and accept that the problems and fears are in you. I strongly believe that every man is innocent until he proves himself guilty. It’s just not fair to blame new people for the past mistakes of others and their stuff.
I remember the first day I asked hubby (we were only dating at this time) to sit with me on the couch for a conversation. At this point, it was needful to share with him my fears and patterns of losses during Christmas time and the winter months.
When I approached him, it wasn’t with a mean or accusatory spirit or intent. I took total responsibility because I needed for him to understand. Most importantly, he should know that none of my triggered memories have nothing to do with him. Some memories can only be dealt with head on while another person is present to trigger them unintentionally.
Here’s what I mean by not being fully aware. Sometimes those we’re in love with will say or do things not intentionally trying to harm or hurt us. You may find yourself taking this personally because of a previous experience that has nothing to do with your new partner. In fairness, it’s only right to talk about these triggers objectively without casting all of the blame on your partner.
When I spoke with hubby I said something like this: “Baby, I get very nervous this time of year because my previous relationships ended during Christmas time and winter. I’m afraid of losses during this season because of the patterns that are set in my mind. So, when Christmas and winter come around, I’m so afraid. I get agita. Please know this isn’t your stuff. It’s mine. And, I’m working hard on me, so it doesn’t interfere with what we have and are trying to build. We have a good thing. And I’m determined to not allow my stuff to mess up things.”
He responded with much love and care. It literally took our relationship to a deeper level. I helped him understand me without being overbearing or unnecessarily moody. Mood swings are an inner issue and can really negatively impact a relationship.
During the conflict stage, there are two main conflicts: inner and outer. Inner problems usually stem from outside encounters. They relate to turmoils and ruptures because of offenses from others. Outer problems relate to fights and arguments with others due to the inner in-balances.
Releasing The Best Resolve
Finally, resolves come from accepting things, working to make things better and communication. This is the final stage before the cycle repeats. But when the others come around again, you’ll have a better handle on them. You see, the resolve outweighs ecstasy and conflict because of its teaching components. You learn lessons throughout all of the stages. However, the resolution is where lies the moral of the story per se.
This Christmas, I learned how to release ALL of the fear of losses at once. My husband and family taught me the importance of living in the moment and the enjoyment holidays can bring. I also learned how to feel loved and cared for because of his suggestion. I didn’t resist it. I embraced it. I allowed myself to be around great people. This Christmas was a very special Christmas for me. Now, I feel an outstanding freedom to give business another layer of my truest self all because of This Christmas.