Friendships are sacred and beautiful.
Providing all persons understand boundaries and respect one another’s temperaments, real friendships will last.
Friendships can give rewarding experiences and last a lifetime. I don’t think everyone deserves being called a friend.
Real friends do NOT control, manipulate, slander or be two-faced towards you. They demonstrate good aspects of love and care.
These virtues are meaningful and necessary for vital living and your life. Hence, real friends allow you the freedom to be “you.”
A friendship demonstrates a reciprocity which accepts possible human errors and permits you to grow from them.
This statement does not suggest ALL mistakes are “ignorable.” Some faults will bring separations and breaches.
In such cases, the one at fault should admit his or her wrong and absorb the hurts from the offended. At the same time, some friends are needy and codependent.
If you’re not careful, they will drain and suck the life out of you. They will suffocate you. In reality, these kinds of friendship aren’t healthy.
Here are 14 signs it’s time to leave friends who:
- Dominate your space and time
- Call you ONLY when they want to talk
- Get mad because you’re out with others
- Are not balanced responders or givers
- Gossip about your business
- Listen to your business, but don’t share theirs
- Can give you advice, but not take yours
- Bully and are bossy
- Are Pretenders
- Intentionally keep information from you
- Keep you on emotional rollercoasters
- Verbally attack you
- Are Opportunists
- Exclude you
The above-mentioned are worth gradually drifting apart from because these behaviors have enough power to (1) distract you from important things, (2) be emotionally and mentally draining, and (3) may negatively affect your character.
Sometimes the actions of others lure you into ways and practices that are not yourself.
Thus, you’ll find yourself speaking and responding in manners that aren’t your norm. Such individuals are not worth losing the light within.
Outgrowing friendships is possible.
Ever have those childhood or high school friends that you did everything with? You knew each other’s secrets about boyfriends or that one time you were supposed to be at the library but lied to go to the movies?
Back then, it was cool, right? Laughter, tears, shopping, etc showed the best world. Then, as you grew, you may have stopped calling and hanging out as much.
Perhaps you moved to another area that caused fewer interactions or met new people.
Life happens and as you get older, relationships and friendships change. There is no reason to feel badly if a shift comes.
If you feel the need to call even for closure, that’s fine, too. I suggest you be prepared either way for a conversation or if the person(s) doesn’t want to talk.
Some people are okay with a friendship dissipating and are open to conversation. Others may not handle things too well. These types usually prefer space and time to heal.
Neither of these actions is negative. Rather, it demonstrates a process, progress, and maturity. You realize what works and no longer works best for yourself.
Psychologists contend, “as you gain a stronger sense of self, what used to matter no longer does, and we’re bound to outgrow particular friendships.”
No need to feel guilty. The truth is, these associations no longer “feed” you as they once did, and you’re more in touch with your most “authentic self.”
Real friendships nurture and sustain us.
They bring all partakers to places of safety and vulnerability. Of course, it takes time and effort to get to openness because people bring past hurts and offenses to new friendships or relationships.
A small misunderstanding can spark triggers, which can cause both to retreat. Most of the time, “feelings stirred up by close friends often echo unresolved issues from their childhoods, like sibling rivalry or fear of abandonment,” experts say.
These feelings have nothing to do with you. These emotions and triggers are their stuff. After such reactions, it is okay to have reservations and apprehensions.
Their stuff determines whether or not you will hang out, continue calling, texting, or extend invites to public places.
They instantly create patterns, and the patterns become norms in the friendship. When your life encounters shifts and has inconsistencies, you automatically know and feel something isn’t quite right.
Do not judge their lack of teaching and exposure to what meaningful friendships are supposed to be.
Continue to be you and honest. Know what you can handle and tolerate versus what you cannot. If you’re the understanding type, remain this way.
Real friends understand when you’re angry, hurt, silly, serious–they grasp your multi-layers. At the same time, healthy friendships enter into a sacred connection that’s beyond the mind’s comprehension.
Conclusion
In essence, friendships should have BALANCE. Seasons of long talks and of being quiet. Periods of tears and laughter. Times for disagreement and agreements.
Sacred, genuine friendships are healthy, meaningful and essential. They help you become a better self.
Should you experience any anxiety from friendship losses, there are many ways to cope. One piece of advice for coping it to consider journaling about your pains.
It’s your journal. No one has a right to read it. It’s your boundary and people should respect it. The beautiful thing about journaling is that no one can judge you or say your feelings are invalid.
Lastly, if you’re not effective, nor more developed and have been enduring any of the adverse traits above, it’s surely time to let go.