Healthy is when your mental and physical conditions are free from infection and (abusive) control.
Friendships are sacred and beautiful. Providing all persons understand boundaries and respect one another’s temperaments, real friendships will last.
Do not call EVERYONE you meet a friend. Sadly, we have to add adjectives like “true” or “real” or “bad” to a “consecrated” noun. So, real friends do NOT control, manipulate, slander or be two-faced towards you. Real friends demonstrate good aspects of love and care. These virtues are meaningful and necessary for vital living and your life. Real friends allow you freedom to be “you.”
A friendship demonstrates a reciprocity which accepts possible human errors and permits you to grow from them. This statement does not suggest ALL mistakes are “ignorable.” Some faults will bring separations and breaches. In such cases, the one at fault should admit his or her wrong and absorb the hurts from the offended. At the same time, some friends are needy and codependent. If you’re not careful, they will drain and suck the life out of you. They will suffocate you. This kind of friendship isn’t healthy.
- Friends who:
Dominate your space and time
Call you ONLY when they want to talk
Get mad because you’re out with others
Are not balanced responders or givers
Gossip about your business
Listen to your business, but don’t share theirs
Can give you advice, but not take yours
Bully and are bossy
Are Pretenders
Intentionally keep information from you
Keep you on emotional rollercoasters
Verbally attack you
Are Opportunists
Exclude you
Are worth gradually drifting apart from because these behaviors have enough power to distract, be emotionally and mentally draining, and may affect your character. Sometimes the actions of others lure you into ways and practices that are not yourself. You will find yourself speaking and responding in manners that aren’t your norm. Such individuals are not worth losing the light within.
Outgrowing friendships is possible. This action is not negative. Rather, it demonstrates progress and maturity. You realize what works and no longer works best for yourself. Psychologists contend, “as you gain a stronger sense of self, what used to matter no longer does, and we’re bound to outgrow particular friendships.” No need to feel guilty. The truth is, these associations no longer “feed” you as they once did, and you’re more in touch with your most “authentic self.”
Real friendships nurture and sustain us. They bring all partakers to places of safety and vulnerability. Of course, it takes time and effort to get to openness because people bring past hurts and offenses to new friendships or relationships.
A small misunderstanding can spark triggers, which can cause both to retreat. Most of the time, “feelings stirred up by close friends often echo unresolved issues from their childhoods, like sibling rivalry or fear of abandonment,” experts say. These feelings have nothing to do with you. These emotions and triggers are their stuff. After such reactions, it is okay to have reservations and apprehensions. Their stuff determines whether or not you will hang out, continue calling, texting, or extend invites to public places. They instantly create patterns, and the patterns become norms in the friendship. When your life encounters shifts and inconsistencies, you automatically know and feel something isn’t quite right.
Do not judge their lack of teaching and exposure to what meaningful friendships are supposed to be.
Continue to be you and honest. Know what you can handle and tolerate versus what you cannot. If you’re the understanding type, remain this way. Real friends understand when you’re angry, hurt, silly, serious–they grasp your multi-layers. Healthy friendships enter into a sacred connection that’s beyond the mind’s comprehension.
There is BALANCE. Seasons of long talks. Seasons of quiet. Seasons of tears. Seasons of laughter. Seasons of disagreement. Seasons of agreements.
Sacred, genuine friendships are healthy, meaningful and essential. They help you become a better self.
If you’re not effective, nor more developed and have been enduring any of the adverse traits above, it’s surely time to let go.